loneliness

Oh social media and social networks...they affect our everyday life more, than we think. Let's take emotions for example. As far back in 2005 only your closest friends and relatives were aware of how you truly feel, about your concerns and worries, about your dreams and hopes. Nowadays average person has 3-5 closest friends and from 100 to 130 people, whit whom he interacts more or less actively. So before only few people actually knew what's up in you life. Statistics from FaceBook also proves that average human has 130 connections. Yes, at first, it looks like in real life, in spite of one fact - privacy has changed and never will be the same again. Every time you post something or update your status, all your friends in FaceBook get informed about you both directly and indirectly. Obviously when you type "what's in your mind" your friends, co-workers and buddies get's an idea of what's in your mind (Nina Garcia's face). Surely all pictures uploads and events, which you are attending are speaking for your self too. Only few people I know, actually use privacy settings and have different lists for people they know. For example my co-workers cannot see anything I post, including pictures. But most of the people don't even know about that option.

Now you, probably, asking your self: "what the heck it has to do with loneliness" ? Well there is a clear correlation - so far I have 573 friend on FaceBook. As you already have noticed I'm quite an exposed personality, and I'm not really hiding anything from people. If I feel shit, then I post it. If I'm happy, then surely 573 people will be aware of it. Usually my status updates tell about how I feel or what I do. Lately, most of the time I feel like shit. It has many reasons: first of all I don't get verification and recognition (it has nothing to do with a fame) as much as I would like to, secondly, my friends don't really get how bad I feel and they say that it's mine self-pity and that is pathetic. Also they say what I have to do and that I'm puffy and fatty. I'm pretty aware of that, that's why I've started this blog, but from friends I don't expect'em to be like mirrors. I need some support. Apparently I'm not getting it from them, that's why I trash my FaceBook with something like this: ♥ is my fail; or shall I just switch to Valium ?; or tired of everyone's advices and demands. I don't feel alive...Well, let's see, what next week will bring... Yeah, quite exposed and too intimate., but sorry, I cannot help it! Yes, again I hear you loudly ask: "what the frak? why he feels lonely?" Well I feel lonely because I don't get any support, which I need. You say, talk to your friends. Yes, I'd do that, but there is a tiny problem. Now I'm too sensitive, insecure and might to react inadequate. So in order to avoid some drama with friends it's better not to see'em at all for a while.

I'm very socially active person, and usually can't stand to be on my own, but now...it's like please don't talk to me...So today I went to restaurant Dorian Gray to have a dinner on my OWN. This is my first lonely dinner ever. I don't know how I feel about it... Funny when I was easting my chicken fillet, I met someone I know, and she took pretty pictures of me, where I look happy (thank you Victoria for these lovely photos) and someone told me pretty and cute... Yes, I tend to be moody queen sometimes, but c`mon, there's no bloody support. Maybe I want too much. Anyway I'm proud of my self that I'm jogging from Monday every evening around 60 minutes, and while I run - I'm clearing my mind. It helps a bit, try.

  

By the way, you can add me on FaceBook and observe my funny status updates. I don't have tweeter yet, but my other blog, where I'm a co-author I have. Click here to follow .

I hope I'm not mentally ill. I promise if I'll stay that unstable more than 2 weeks, I'm gonna consult me GP

Dee for ED