little celebration

Yesterday I got new undies from H&M, which were so cool, that I wanted to share with the world how cool they are. Today I woke up and first thing I did was a self portrait in my new fake denim undies. When I uploaded this picture I was pleasantly surprised, and not by how cute these undies are, but that my body got a little bit ripped! Remember I was writing about having lots of sport and it's impact on your mental state? So when you have some obvious evidences that what you are doing, actually has a result, it surely makes you feel better.

resigned hipster

What a week, I must say - last weekend was so different emotionally and physically, that it will take a while to recall it all and I'm going to give it a try, besides I'm very interested in restoring all the detail and that emotional path, because it might help someone with the same issues like me.

Devastation
Whole working days I felt devastated and a bit frustrated. Why? Well because it still was hard to put up with my loneliness and the feeling that I'm totally unattractive and not really useful creature. Sorely I was getting better and at some point I was so tired that heavy feeling, which was quite destructive too. Human's brain is a miracle - it always helps you to find a way out of depressing situations, a cure for intoxicating thoughts, however it's voice is weak, which could be easily silenced by your own self-pity.
 Luckily I got offered a job - to host some charity event. At first I wasn't really sure if I'm willing to do it. I had already some previous experience of event hosting, but still there were some doubts, which vanished away, when I met my co-host Ilona Jahimovich, which is one famous radio-presenter who gave me confidence. As this event took place on Saturday, clearly I didn't partied on the eve so I woke up all fresh and full of energy. The event was fun, we were rising money for poor kids of Latvian countryside, which is a good cause by all meanings. As a host I got a lot of attention, which, I must admit, was quite pleasant. After returning home, I bought a bottle of nice secco and went to ma best friend's place to celebrate my little success. Then we went to one of my favourit places Dorian Gray, where we had some more drinks. My original plan was to go home, but NO, I had to go to that bloody club, which made me feel worst again.
Analysing it now, I can tell that in spite of that good energy which I got from that event hosting and good talk with my friend, it all faded away in the club. because I had a feeling that I'm not needed, not desired. So, naturally, I had yet again another wave of tears and drama. It's now looks to me so funny, as I'm writing it now, but believe me, last Saturday's night I was the most unhappy person in Riga. What a bullocks!

hosting that event. photo via intelligent.lv

Tired of dramas

Well, I promised to tell some details about last Friday's night, when some drama happened and about alcohol and desperation. I've been thinking about alcohol a lot lately, not like that I have some mega issues with it but still it might get a bit ugly sometimes and I came to the following thought - there's no point in drinking, when you don't get drunk - few G&T won't make you feel any different, meanwhile 2 LIIT polished by couple of bubbly Kir Royal does it all. Few years ago, when I was completely happy with my life and there were no concerns I could get drunk happily whit out any further drama. Somehow last 2 years there's something not right in my life. I mean yes, I'm healthy, settled and many will not understand me, but when it comes to my personal life....ehm let's put it that way, it's not exactly what I wanted. So now, when I get drunk - I get depressed and I feel like nobody understands me, I become easily offended and may be rude to people around me, then I get even more drunk, that I cannot control myself, desperately looking for "love" which turns out as an ugly ONS and as an outcome a severe moral hangover. Almost these kind of things accrued  last Friday.

at nice cappuccino bar/ art gallery FLAT in Riga drinking LIIT, which later turned out as a big mistake

be somebody who I'm really not

I wanted to write a post about addiction, desperation for fun and alcohol, but right now I cannot find proper words to describe what I think and feel about this topic. So in stead, I suggest you to watch latest video by my favourite artist, who's every singe is a statement, M.I.A. Her song "XXXO" reflects my present mood perfectly, especially after last night's drama (details soon).



I'm staying home tonight. Good night!


Dee for ED

single not lonely

First of all, I'd like to say thank you to all my friends, who supported me, yesterday. After publishing my previous post, I got few phone calls and around 10 comment, saying that they understand me, and can offer me a helping hand. I appreciate that very much. I wouldn't say, that I'm much more better now, but yesterday I was ready to seen people and interact with'em. One couple called me last night and invited me to a home party, where we had some beer, which was totally earned, as i had Body Pump and Body balance work out in my gym.  By the way, I'm drinking (read: get drunk) now less, than I used to... ehmmm . When I'm drunk I tend to get depressed and upset. So, to avoid that drama and misunderstanding from friends side, I decided not to get drunk - few drinks maybe, but not more. Few hours of gossiping and laughing followed by a hilarious film titled "A Rainha Diaba" ("The Devil Queen" 1974). OMG this film is about Brazilian black gay drag-queen, who is also a head of drug dealers. This cheesy-burlesque-farce is a definitely A-MUST-SEE.  

loneliness

Oh social media and social networks...they affect our everyday life more, than we think. Let's take emotions for example. As far back in 2005 only your closest friends and relatives were aware of how you truly feel, about your concerns and worries, about your dreams and hopes. Nowadays average person has 3-5 closest friends and from 100 to 130 people, whit whom he interacts more or less actively. So before only few people actually knew what's up in you life. Statistics from FaceBook also proves that average human has 130 connections. Yes, at first, it looks like in real life, in spite of one fact - privacy has changed and never will be the same again. Every time you post something or update your status, all your friends in FaceBook get informed about you both directly and indirectly. Obviously when you type "what's in your mind" your friends, co-workers and buddies get's an idea of what's in your mind (Nina Garcia's face). Surely all pictures uploads and events, which you are attending are speaking for your self too. Only few people I know, actually use privacy settings and have different lists for people they know. For example my co-workers cannot see anything I post, including pictures. But most of the people don't even know about that option.

Colour your hair

Did you know, that around 40% of men and 60% of women are not really happy with their own natural hair colour. I belong to that 40% of those men. But I'm also doing something about it already since I was 15. It all started just as fun and sidelineing. Some of you might remember International Hairstylist Contest Londa - this was something really huge and long awaited among not only local public, but also for related folks from overseas. For 3 years I did modelling for Ukrainian (my hair-style took grand prix), German and Bulgarian teams. During endless bleaching, perming, combing, dyeing and drying I learned how all that stuff works. Also I learned that mother-nature endowed me with great hair, that can be transformed into whatever I want.

Recalling...

I wanted to write this post a long time ago, but you know, time management and lack of time...But yes, you right I was promising to take care of it and in fact I'm already performing some improvements. Hopefully I'll get a new BlackBerry soon, so my life will be even more organized.
Back to the subject, my precious friend, coworker and coblogger Maija, who knows how much in love I was with Lady Gaga. I had a birthday recently, so Maija presented me.... Lady Gaga Heart Beats earphones, which are just amazing. They are so cool, so I just wanted to thank Maija again and share this with all my few readers.
Soon I will post something interesting about a new cleansing programme and I will finally make a post about dental floss. So stay tuned.

Styling a book

Wow, since that reality show project Calendar.LIVE I'm getting invited in different kind of projects - some of them are interesting and some are mega interesting. Some of them fail, and some not - so my schedule is full, seriously...About some project I'm going to tell you later. 

And for now, here is a picture (check my legs out! very defined, no?!) of one styling, which we (Stuff'nStyle) did for an American writer Carla Breeze, who is writhing a book about European Knitwear Designers. Here you can learn more about that styling. 

Catch you later, alligators!

Dee for ED