little celebration

Yesterday I got new undies from H&M, which were so cool, that I wanted to share with the world how cool they are. Today I woke up and first thing I did was a self portrait in my new fake denim undies. When I uploaded this picture I was pleasantly surprised, and not by how cute these undies are, but that my body got a little bit ripped! Remember I was writing about having lots of sport and it's impact on your mental state? So when you have some obvious evidences that what you are doing, actually has a result, it surely makes you feel better.

resigned hipster

What a week, I must say - last weekend was so different emotionally and physically, that it will take a while to recall it all and I'm going to give it a try, besides I'm very interested in restoring all the detail and that emotional path, because it might help someone with the same issues like me.

Devastation
Whole working days I felt devastated and a bit frustrated. Why? Well because it still was hard to put up with my loneliness and the feeling that I'm totally unattractive and not really useful creature. Sorely I was getting better and at some point I was so tired that heavy feeling, which was quite destructive too. Human's brain is a miracle - it always helps you to find a way out of depressing situations, a cure for intoxicating thoughts, however it's voice is weak, which could be easily silenced by your own self-pity.
 Luckily I got offered a job - to host some charity event. At first I wasn't really sure if I'm willing to do it. I had already some previous experience of event hosting, but still there were some doubts, which vanished away, when I met my co-host Ilona Jahimovich, which is one famous radio-presenter who gave me confidence. As this event took place on Saturday, clearly I didn't partied on the eve so I woke up all fresh and full of energy. The event was fun, we were rising money for poor kids of Latvian countryside, which is a good cause by all meanings. As a host I got a lot of attention, which, I must admit, was quite pleasant. After returning home, I bought a bottle of nice secco and went to ma best friend's place to celebrate my little success. Then we went to one of my favourit places Dorian Gray, where we had some more drinks. My original plan was to go home, but NO, I had to go to that bloody club, which made me feel worst again.
Analysing it now, I can tell that in spite of that good energy which I got from that event hosting and good talk with my friend, it all faded away in the club. because I had a feeling that I'm not needed, not desired. So, naturally, I had yet again another wave of tears and drama. It's now looks to me so funny, as I'm writing it now, but believe me, last Saturday's night I was the most unhappy person in Riga. What a bullocks!

hosting that event. photo via intelligent.lv

Tired of dramas

Well, I promised to tell some details about last Friday's night, when some drama happened and about alcohol and desperation. I've been thinking about alcohol a lot lately, not like that I have some mega issues with it but still it might get a bit ugly sometimes and I came to the following thought - there's no point in drinking, when you don't get drunk - few G&T won't make you feel any different, meanwhile 2 LIIT polished by couple of bubbly Kir Royal does it all. Few years ago, when I was completely happy with my life and there were no concerns I could get drunk happily whit out any further drama. Somehow last 2 years there's something not right in my life. I mean yes, I'm healthy, settled and many will not understand me, but when it comes to my personal life....ehm let's put it that way, it's not exactly what I wanted. So now, when I get drunk - I get depressed and I feel like nobody understands me, I become easily offended and may be rude to people around me, then I get even more drunk, that I cannot control myself, desperately looking for "love" which turns out as an ugly ONS and as an outcome a severe moral hangover. Almost these kind of things accrued  last Friday.

at nice cappuccino bar/ art gallery FLAT in Riga drinking LIIT, which later turned out as a big mistake

single not lonely

First of all, I'd like to say thank you to all my friends, who supported me, yesterday. After publishing my previous post, I got few phone calls and around 10 comment, saying that they understand me, and can offer me a helping hand. I appreciate that very much. I wouldn't say, that I'm much more better now, but yesterday I was ready to seen people and interact with'em. One couple called me last night and invited me to a home party, where we had some beer, which was totally earned, as i had Body Pump and Body balance work out in my gym.  By the way, I'm drinking (read: get drunk) now less, than I used to... ehmmm . When I'm drunk I tend to get depressed and upset. So, to avoid that drama and misunderstanding from friends side, I decided not to get drunk - few drinks maybe, but not more. Few hours of gossiping and laughing followed by a hilarious film titled "A Rainha Diaba" ("The Devil Queen" 1974). OMG this film is about Brazilian black gay drag-queen, who is also a head of drug dealers. This cheesy-burlesque-farce is a definitely A-MUST-SEE.  

loneliness

Oh social media and social networks...they affect our everyday life more, than we think. Let's take emotions for example. As far back in 2005 only your closest friends and relatives were aware of how you truly feel, about your concerns and worries, about your dreams and hopes. Nowadays average person has 3-5 closest friends and from 100 to 130 people, whit whom he interacts more or less actively. So before only few people actually knew what's up in you life. Statistics from FaceBook also proves that average human has 130 connections. Yes, at first, it looks like in real life, in spite of one fact - privacy has changed and never will be the same again. Every time you post something or update your status, all your friends in FaceBook get informed about you both directly and indirectly. Obviously when you type "what's in your mind" your friends, co-workers and buddies get's an idea of what's in your mind (Nina Garcia's face). Surely all pictures uploads and events, which you are attending are speaking for your self too. Only few people I know, actually use privacy settings and have different lists for people they know. For example my co-workers cannot see anything I post, including pictures. But most of the people don't even know about that option.

Colour your hair

Did you know, that around 40% of men and 60% of women are not really happy with their own natural hair colour. I belong to that 40% of those men. But I'm also doing something about it already since I was 15. It all started just as fun and sidelineing. Some of you might remember International Hairstylist Contest Londa - this was something really huge and long awaited among not only local public, but also for related folks from overseas. For 3 years I did modelling for Ukrainian (my hair-style took grand prix), German and Bulgarian teams. During endless bleaching, perming, combing, dyeing and drying I learned how all that stuff works. Also I learned that mother-nature endowed me with great hair, that can be transformed into whatever I want.

11 June: Meet Kaspars

I'm back on track! 

I had one busy day yesterday. It all started at 8:00 when I woke up. Usually I don't wake up that early (yes, 8 0`clock is early for me), but I din't want to miss my first training with my trainer Kaspars Ozolins (Kapars Ozoliņš), whom I met few weeks ago when I revealed my intention to change my life. Gladly, Karpars agreed to help me. I was a bit nervous, as Kaspars asked me to make a nourishment diary, where I have to put everything what I ate during the day. Those, who read my previous post might got embarrassed by what I ate, but as said before this is exposed daily and truth will be posted here, whether it's ugly or not.

Kaspars Ozoliņš is not only a high class professional, but also a very nice person. 

He also blogs, check it out - http://kasozo.blogspot.com/

Motive

Motives - such a mysterious phenomenon of our life. Sometimes they are in disguise and unclear even to someone who is lead by them, sometimes they are exposed and laying on a surface, so everyone knows why that person is so determined to fulfil his or her dreams. There are motives, which are dictated by a sudden occurrence in a person's existence, altering values and the way of being, and there are some motives, which were caused by a certain believe. You see, motive is like a spyglass - it helps you to see the place, where you want to get and you can even see every tiny details of it, yet the path to that desired place remains out of a sight. 

My motive belongs to a sudden and very clear one, and really common one though - I want to be happy (read: wanted, beloved and adored). After spending a while philosophizing what are the success key factors in a contemporary society, which is all about consumption, I came to a simple conclusion - you have to be young (young looking), healthy, beautiful and widely recognized to be happy in the western world. 

To become happy one motive only won't be enough - you also have to have a plan, a map to that desired place if you want to. The age of information and technological progress made many thing more available and multitasking. For example the Fame became more "cheap" in the last 10 years - now you can make a silly video, upload it to YouTube and in few month get 10 million views. If you are more smarter, you can start your very one show, with a small budget and unlimited air time or set up a blog and have a wider coverage than an ordinary glossy magazine. So I expect to become widely recognized with a help of this blog - this is one piece of my motive puzzle.

At my age, as at any other, healthy young and beautiful are almost synonyms. I had luck to born ok-looking, however almost 5 years of living without caring about what you eat, not doing any sports, smoking and drinking, resulted in a body, which is far away from someone who can get very adored and wanted and maybe beloved. So here I'm going to reflect all my activities, which are aimed to fix my body shape (more about it later this week), improve my skin and make me more handsome, let's call it grooming. This blog will help me to discipline myself and keep track on my progress. Moreover it will motivate me more - as I gave an oath to become better. 

The Puzzle is almost complete and the motive is stated. But there is something else - I guess there are many guys in this world who shares my motive, but maybe are not that determined. I do really hope that this blog will give`em an inspiration to become better. I already feel, that this path to the desired place won't be an easy one, so I also anticipate some support from prospective readers. 

Next year I'm going to celebrate my first biggest anniversary ever - 25 years. I hope that I will meet my quartet near a swimming pool being proud of myself. Let's see how far I will get. 

***

Everyday I will try to post something related, what is meant to make me happy plus a small note about my nourishment and physical activities (this is a technical data). And twice a week almost naked picture of me...very harsh, but it's exposed daily. Here is the firs one 

***

N&P

Curd desert Labrīt (sieriņš) 35 g. x 2

Small sandwich with cheese and salami x 3

Cup of instance coffee x 2

Cup of instate coffee with milk x 1

Twix

2 slices of apple pie

Chicken salad 150 g.

Water 2 l. 

90 min walking

***

-Dee 

                      

1st post

Alright, tomorrow I'm gonna explain why I'm doing this blog and who I am. The blog's title speaks for itself - my life will be exposed here daily as it is. 

Here is just a picture of me now. This is one big no-no-no body which just has to be transformed into super hot one. These pictures are really motivating me. 

-Dee  

P.S. I even cannot believe what had happened to me in 5 years. Ok - story tomorrow.