Devastation
Whole working days I felt devastated and a bit frustrated. Why? Well because it still was hard to put up with my loneliness and the feeling that I'm totally unattractive and not really useful creature. Sorely I was getting better and at some point I was so tired that heavy feeling, which was quite destructive too. Human's brain is a miracle - it always helps you to find a way out of depressing situations, a cure for intoxicating thoughts, however it's voice is weak, which could be easily silenced by your own self-pity.
Luckily I got offered a job - to host some charity event. At first I wasn't really sure if I'm willing to do it. I had already some previous experience of event hosting, but still there were some doubts, which vanished away, when I met my co-host Ilona Jahimovich, which is one famous radio-presenter who gave me confidence. As this event took place on Saturday, clearly I didn't partied on the eve so I woke up all fresh and full of energy. The event was fun, we were rising money for poor kids of Latvian countryside, which is a good cause by all meanings. As a host I got a lot of attention, which, I must admit, was quite pleasant. After returning home, I bought a bottle of nice secco and went to ma best friend's place to celebrate my little success. Then we went to one of my favourit places Dorian Gray, where we had some more drinks. My original plan was to go home, but NO, I had to go to that bloody club, which made me feel worst again.
Analysing it now, I can tell that in spite of that good energy which I got from that event hosting and good talk with my friend, it all faded away in the club. because I had a feeling that I'm not needed, not desired. So, naturally, I had yet again another wave of tears and drama. It's now looks to me so funny, as I'm writing it now, but believe me, last Saturday's night I was the most unhappy person in Riga. What a bullocks!
hosting that event. photo via intelligent.lv
Cleansing
So next morning I woke up with a strange feeling - I didn't have exactly a hangover and I wasn't unhappy, but I was a bit ashamed of myself that I had this drama. So I started to pack my things for that cleansing programme, I was writing about lately. It turned out as a fun activity, which is totally worth describing in a separate post, which I'm hoping to finish very soon. So after few hours of Ashtanga Yoga, followed up by my beloved BodyPump, the a little bit of dancing and after a short break polished by Body Balance. I must say it was the first time for me, when I spent 6 (!) hours in a gym. And no, I'm not a gym-diva, it was just one great entertainment, which had both supreme physical and moral impact.
Recognition
I won't go into details, as I'm not so super ready to be THAT exposed, but after my gym hardcore I got invited for a bottle of wine. Eventually I got an offer, well you understand what kind of an offer. I turned it down, as offerer already had someone, and I'm not ready to be a part of a crime. Anyway, the cat that I was desired made me feel so much better and finally I feel like my stupid depression is over!
Hipster
Well I don't know is it bad or good, but some famous journalist and socialite called me a "hipster a little bit", which to me is totally flattering.
Summing it up: public attention, plus sexual recognition, plenty of sport activities and compliments form experts is a cure for a depression. Now I'm absolutely resigned with my loneliness and am cool about it. It's time to move on. I'm feeling alive and inspired!
Dee for ED
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